As the title says today has been an off day. I honestly don’t know why but today I’ve just been feeling really anxious. Nothing has been any different than any other day but I have caught myself pacing a few different times and just really can’t keep myself focused on any one task for a prolonged period of time. Like I know I am safe, There isn’t anything out of the usual. Maybe my brain just decided to keep me on my toes for today. In an attempt to kinda chill out a bit I’ve been spending more time today playing with my daughter. I was trying to find an accurate way to describe the feeling and it’s just one of those things that you can’t quite put your finger on. There are no bad feelings going through my head or anything negative like that. I don’t know, I’m just going to put on some happy dancy music and do the dishes while my daughter sleeps and hopefully sooner than later this will subside. I can’t even blame it on caffeine because I haven’t even had so much as a cup of coffee today.
I began this blog back in 2014 I believe, I swear to God I just re-read everything I had originally posted ha – ha but just like my energy, my mind appears to be going now to. As dramatic as that sounds I assure you it is just me whining because I’m really, really tired. You see as I was reading through my previous posts here from years ago It felt like I was reading something written by a stranger. I remember the stories and the places I had shown in the pictures. I remember the people at the hotel I was working at back then. I was so care free. Happy. I had my entire life ahead of me and virtually no worries in the world ( Unless you count my ex I was dealing with at the time but hey none of us are perfect.) I had so much freedom in my life in regards to not having to check in with anyone or plan my week quite like I do now. I could drop everything on a whim and go with a friend to New York City just because I wanted to and trust me I did. That was a beautiful time full of beautiful people. Naturally as life tends to do things changed, and they changed quite drastically. Now I’m not saying that my life is terrible no, no, Just there have definitely been some big changes. I still live in the same area actually about 20 minutes away from where I used to back then. I have a daughter now and she will be 2 in May and trust me she keeps me on my toes. I have lost people I honestly never could have ever imagined living in a world without. I have learned so many important lessons in life and have been tested time and time again. I have been resilient and tenacious up to this point and I honestly have no intentions of that ever changing. I’ve had my heart broken and love lost but hey who hasn’t Ya know. My life now is good, well ha ha like 90% good, everyone has the things they want to and can change and that is something that I am currently working on but hey one day at a time, right? I have some amazing people in my life, they are so so dear to me. I am so grateful every single day. If you were to step back and look at my close friends I imagine it would look something close to the island of misfit toys, And in all fairness that isn’t far from the truth ha ha ha. You see they are remarkable, Some of the best people with the best hearts you could ever hope to find. Being able to completely open up completely with no judgement and being able to finally ditch the weight that has been on your shoulders is a godsend. Unfortunately I recently lost one of them that I held so very close to my heart with good reason, The fact that I was able to have them in my life for as long as I did was a miracle in itself. Getting back on track here as I need to go check on my daughter as she has gotten suspiciously quiet. My goal here is just to have a place to check in from time to time.
My Little World 